The S in the SWITCH Reality Switch Framework
What is the S in the S.W.I.T.C.H Framework at Reality Switch Coaching?
After thinking about building my own framework for getting Couples and Singles success when it comes to love, I have come up with our very own SWITCH Framework! I am going to do a series of blogs that cover the various parts of it.
Our Perspectives
When something happens to us we immediately build a story for ourselves. We cast all the people and build the context. This is the S in SWITCH - See the Story. In order to even know what we need to work on, we need to figure out where the problem comes from. There is our reality, which is usually subjective, and then there are the objective facts of the situation. A great book that covers this is Crucial Conversations. They talk about how the stories we tell ourselves are essentially our version of reality and we usually paint ourselves as the hero.
Our stories are our perspectives. For example: If someone cuts you off in traffic, you immediately paint a picture of the person as this horrible person who might be a law breaker and an asshole because they did this terrible thing! Perhaps we believe that they must not care about others and that they are an absolutely horrible human being. This is simply our drawing of the situation, not the actual situation as it exists realistically.
The exact facts of the event are that the car moved in front of you and maybe came close to hitting you and that there is a person driving the car. Of course when you look at things this way then any anger you might have felt may feel invalidated. Now all of that energy had no place to go and no one will validate your feelings then. So then what story would give you validation on your emotions and feelings?
You could view this in a different perspective, for instance, it could be that the person is having anxiety about getting somewhere and are not paying attention and you can just slow down to help them. Really, you can put in any thing that might be the reason for someone to cut you off that is a good reason and instead view that person in a more positive light. Now you might be asking, but… Why should I view this person like this? They did something messed up to me…
What is more important to you? Holding onto anger that will never be healed or being at peace?
When we decide to hold others accountable without the ability to do so, we are trying to collect on a debt of energy that can never be paid. There is nothing you can do to that other person that is going to force them to say they are sorry or explain their life story for why they did what they did. So what is more important to you?
Our Role in Our Stories
We are usually the heroes in our stories because the world has it wrong. This might simply be put as some sort of defense mechanism because we need to protect our egos. Sometimes though, we also place ourselves as the martyr or the victim which we might view as heroic. Simply stop casting yourself as the center of the story and remember that you are also playing a support role in other people’s stories. The story is not always about you and so just focus on doing your best to support the other characters and step into the light when it is appropriately your turn
Other People’s Roles in Our Stories
We usually make other people the villains in our stories. The reason we are unfulfilled in life or living the best lives we can is because other people are holding us back. I do believe that certain people have barriers that others do not, but so many have been able to have success despite the fact that they faced such hardships and barriers. We can either sit around and be mad that life dealt us a terrible hand, or we can find solutions to provide a better life for ourselves and future generations.
If you give away all of your power to others then you will never be able to take back the pen and write the stories that serve you. No one can force you to feel something that isn’t already within you to feel. If you say someone made you feel guilty, then that is because you already feel guilty about it and that person just highlighted it within you. If you feel a certain way when someone does something to trigger you then that is your queue to heal something within you. Choose the more empowering path and take control of your stories to serve you on your journey of personal growth and when creating a strong and everlasting loving relationship.
How could the stories you tell yourself serve you better and be more empowering?
Remember you don’t have to tackle life on your own and while it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to help each of us get through life’s lessons and trials.
